My Diary, Popular

The medicine comparison has for us.

March 1, 2023

Hey, I’m Phoenix
Explorer, author and ceremonialist on all things ritual, sensual and erotic magic. Read more about me and my work here. 

What’s your relationship to comparison?
Can you celebrate another’s success without needing to direct gaze back at yourself or comparing yourself?
Are you able to support and affirm your friends, allies, and peers in their work?

These are some of the questions I’ve been sitting with on the heels of finishing my book – that for me have made me discern those in my life who seek to get something from my presence in their world vs. genuine authentic friendship.

Having spent the last three years pouring my heart and soul into a book that reveals so much rawness, it’s felt like having a baby (something I can also speak to).

While it’s felt like such a long labour of love, a birth I’ve been waiting to celebrate with the world….its birth has felt akin to a birthday, strangely awkward and vulnerable.

There are those whose love + support I don’t have to question, the ones that let me know how much I mean to them and who affirm and support my artistry.

There are those who I’m connected to but don’t expect anything from, a connection that is light and uncomplicated.

And then there is the surprise AHA…those who I thought were dear friends, stinging with envy or jealousy, brewing in comparison. It’s not hard to sense or feel. The meak congratulations or words of support that barely squeak across grimaced smiles makes a stench hard to not smell.

And it’s the last one that also saddens me.

Because, I have become that friend that roots for others behind their backs, who sends , who shares others raw + vulnerable creations, who sends messages of trust and who genuinely wants to see my friends thriving in success, happiness, love and abundance.

And when the sting of jealousy or envy has struck me, I’ve transformed that sting into medicine.

Like when I attended some dear friend’s wedding nuptials, and felt a heaviness of shame for still being single descend upon me. I reframed that experience into a perspective that if they could find lasting love, maybe I could too…and that witnessing them was a rare gift they had given me.

Or when (this one very fresh) I came across another woman doing similar work to myself, but very very successful. Like a me in 10 years but her and I being the same age. I was finishing up edits on my book and seeking out examples of well-written bios.

I came across her website and accolades. I put us on pedastools, and started to beat the shit out of myself.

“Why did I feel I was still struggling to feel received by the world?”

“Why did it feel like noone cared what the fuck I created? Even after 15+ years as an artist, coach and erotic entrepreneur?”

“Look at what she’s accomplished at the same age…a TV appearance, on book 2, sold out programs, and an effortless way of being in the world with a huge following. I should just throw in the towel now and become a realtor.”

The disease of comparison is insidious. It cuts you off from the heart of your soul. It stifles your generousity. And it makes one reek of insecurity.

As I drove down the street an hour later, crying in the car and contemplating tossing my book in the garbage, never to see the light of day….she came to me.

She wrapped me in a giant hug, red curls enveloping their softness and she just let me weep. And in that moment I got the greater gift.

Without her vision, boldness, and path, it wouldn’t continue to inspire me in the deeper WHY of what I was here to birth.

That it’s not about the numbers, the amount of Instagram followers, clout or reputation…

But instead, the gift is in how many hearts we crack open through our own willingness to lay it all bare.

To kneel before the and offer the sacrament of our pure hearts, here in devotion to an essence of liberation greater than us.


and soetimes that truth looks like getting more honest with ourselves and the way we’re living life

Sometimes it’s

hese insights into the authenticity of a connection are usually triggered on the precipe of a major turning point, rite of passage, or life milestone

And it’s these that most don’t readily talk about openly.

As I get older, I have little time for swimming in the shallows with friendships, preferring to cultivate and keep tight knit friendships with those whom I feel seen by and with those who can share in laughter and grief with?

And I also desire to be led by

Where is the fine line of not having to question someone’s love (especially in times when it matters), versus being free of expectation and unleashing your loved ones from the burden of expectation we may shroud on them.

I want to be the

When the pang of envy or jealousy shows up in my world (which it can from time to time), I’m still

Life is too short for us to not feel seen, loved, or supported? Curious to hear from others about their inquiries around these questions.

  • “Why am I really on this path?”
  • “What’s my greater WHY & what drives me beyond money, status, and accolades?”
  • “If I’ve already lived half of my life already, how do I really want to live the second half?

And the truth that emerged is...I desire to live in a world where women and their womb’s wisdom are revered. A world where people experience the slowness of sensuality, where yonis are pleasured with reverence, where the bliss of sacred union is the norm.

I dare to dream a world where WILD HEARTS & creative souls like myself continue to transcend what’s possible through daring creative & erotic expression…

And where Temple Arts Alchemy replaces p0rn culture as sxual education.

If you’re looking to learn the craft of facilitating Erotic Ritual for clients, create abundance in income, and serve the world through sacred sexuality – you can also find more details on the training here & here>>

Xoxo With love, in love, for love


Still intrigued but not quite sure? Have more questions? Simply reply to this email and receive the details on how to join us for the intro session next Wednesday evening. 

If you’re brimming with questions and desire a more intimate way to delve into the details….let’s book a free 45-min alignment session to see if this path is right for you, simply respond to this email;) 

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